1353 (woo a lady)

in the summer of 1353

as i sat beneath the willow tree

i decided on that day to woo a lady

i went to the florist and i said to she

i need a flower for today i'll be

a-woo woo woo-w-w-wooing a lady

i'll hold this flower beneath her nose

it should smell as sweet as a rose

for this

she said

i'd recommend the rose

for a rose-like scent

i'd probably go with the rose

i said sounds like exactly what i need

i'll take one of those

i went to the tailor for to buy

some clothing of the latest style

which at the time were tights and pointy boots

you know those greenish kind of tights and those peter pan-y kind of boots

really tight tights and peter pan-y boots to woo a lady

i said to the hairdresser cut my hair

he said i'll cut it like the page boys wear

a really popular look with page boys now

just a straight line across the brow

i'll get a ruler and some scissors and i'll do it for you right now

very hot look if you're trying to woo a lady

i needed a horse so i went to the stable

stable man

would i be able

to hire a horse from which to woo a lady?

he said there are three things that i must see

one florin and two forms of id

i said alas

i have no id on me

who even carries id in 1353?

i maketh not the rules

quoth he

i had made a tapestry of me

and said this is me in 1353

to prove that i was legitimate

i had my mother write up a birth certificate

it wasn't easy as she's illiterate

but i really

really needed it

to have this damn horse so that i may woo a lady

i got a really massive horse so i could impress this lady

for but a penny more a day

he did upgrade me

from a hilltop a lady i did view

and i knew exactly what to do

the time had come for me to woo this lady

and i said woooo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo you-oo woo woo woo woo woo woo you lady

i said woo woo woo woo woo woo-hoo woo-hoo lady i am wooing you

woo w-w-woo woo woo this is how i woo a lady

the lady then said unto me

sir

you can't woo me so easily

it takes more than just going woo woo to woo a lady

but i have a rose scented rose which they call a rose

and i hold this rose beneath your nose

i have a massive horse and the finest clothes

all of these things i do to woo you lady

she said

the horse is big and the tights are fun

but the hairdo's a little 1351

in fact it makes you look a bit like a lady

i swore as you approached

that you were a lady

and that gigantic horse just emphasises that you look like a lady

and i replied yes

yes i heard you the first time

she said i am to be married to the king

we are to be wed this coming spring

and if you want my hand you'd have to challenge him

to that thing on the horses with those pointy things

you'll have to battle to the death with those things with the point eachother with those pointy things

i said is that the time? i must be on my way

i'm late for a medieval play

if it matters not to you

either way

i'll just say that i wooed you anyway

i'll just tell all my friends that i woo w-w-w-wooed you lady

because there's a wager in the village that i'd never woo a lady

and i left going woooo woo woo woo woo woo woo i just wooed you

woo woo woo woo woo

this is how i woo a lady