Gayest Man In The World

It all started on a warm November's night

I was feelin' blue

I wasn't feelin' alright

I ran the light

and I stubbed my toe

My body aches

and my brother's on the death row

Then I got an epiphany and I felt great

I'd go to the old wizard to set me straight!

I'm the gayest man in the world

Just a tough guy who gets all the girls

I'm just so glad just to exist

Just too handsome to resist

I was upset as anyone could be

I approached the wizard's shack at a quarter to three

It seemed everyone was jovial

except for me

Until I got me some gay conversion therapy

Afterwards I was happy

joyful

and most of all

gay

I'm proud to announce that the wizard made me that way

I'm the gayest man in the world

Just a tough guy who gets all the girls

I'm just so glad just to exist

Just too handsome to resist

Afterwards I found me a wife

a house

and kids

I went to New York and found a Broadway gig

I felt on top of the world

I felt big

The manager said while in his wig

"Wouldn't you be my guinea pig?"

I obliged and sucked his—

I'm the gayest man on the Earth

Like Jesus

I was rebirthed

I'm just so glad just to exist

Just too handsome to resist