ace insurance man

two men sittin' in straight back chairs

feet propped up on the railin'

sittin' in front of the country store

discussin' how the crops were failin'

about that time a car drove by

with an ace insurance bumper sticker

well that must be the man been courtin' abell

he's somethin' of a city slicker

do you reckon he's goin' up to see abell

you know her daddy went to maben this day

and her mommas been in arkansas with her ailin' pa

ain't nobody home that way

now

i don't mean nothing by what i say

but if you won't say it

i can

she ain't got no bid'ness alone

with that ace insurance man

people ought to keep an eye on they're kids

you remember 'bout abby mcguinness

why'it

lik'ta kill'ed her ma when she found out about it

course i know it ain't none of my bid'ness

but uh

well

if it was me

if it was me

it might be too late and it would be a pity

better call up the sheriff in calhoun city

and have the preacher organize a 'vestigating committee

to see what's going on

tearing down the road in a pickup truck

with bentley out taking the lead

followed by a tractor and a half lame mule

dust flyin' as they picked up speed

faces beaming goodness and their jaw's set hard

good people just doin' what's right

and off in the distance was abell's house

and there wasn't a soul in sight

aw

i could'a told you

now the gravel was flying as he turned the bend

and screeched to a grinding halt

they went through the fence

into the flower bed

and hit pa's first-prize hog in the head

and left half a dozen mama's chickens for dead

but it wasn't nobody's fault

oh

look at harvey's prize hog

and all of them darlin' old grown bad trusty chickens

i wonder if they're covered?

committee bounded on the front porch

to meet the enemy face to face

but abell yelled at 'em through the screen door

y'all messed up my daddy's place"