my old chair

my old chair

is like a big comfy friend

it's soft and it's fuzzy

with a brownish orangey blend

but the padding is gone

and i'm sorry to say

i think it's time for me to throw my chair away

ohhh nooo. so i sit in you one last time

i promise not to cry

pull on your handle

then recline and say goodbye

so i put you out on the curb

and i wish you good luck

then i see a guy with a mullet drive by

and put you in the back of his truck

and i hope that he'll be good to you

do the things that i couldn't do

and i hope he gives you more than me

i hope that he is good company

but when i climb into my bed

and i turn off the lights

i'll be wondering

who is farting in your cushion tonight

i could always fart on you

you were always in the mood

even that one summer when i was eating lots of indian food

but i miss you more than ever and i know i'm to blame

i guess i can fart on the couch now

but baby it's just not the same

and i miss you baby ohh so much

your giant buttons and your velvet touch

and i miss you more than anything

the ball poking of your broken spring

if loving a chair is wrong i don't wanna be right

so i'm wondering who is farting in your cushion tonight

do you remember the night

we watched the movie nobert

and everytime i broke wind

you were happy to absorb it

and after i go jogging

my sweaty ass would get your seat wet

and when i accidentally shat in my pants

you kept it a secret

and i think that i should let you know

i'm sorry that i let you go

and everyday i hope i see

my chair on the curb just waiting for me

i dream about you all the time

and i hope you're all right

thats why i'm wondering who is farting in your cushion tonight

cause i wish it was me who is farting in your cushion tonight