drug addiction

colicchie

you see everybody got a story to tell

well here's mine

my pain's deep

i have been through hell

i managed to survive so i got a story to tell

listen

i stand victorious

make the sign of the cross

look i'm here to be the voice for every friend i ever lost

let me pray as i put together my hands

i've never been ashamed to tell you the person i am

when it comes to doing drugs

i have never been a rookie

but hold up

let me tell you about the places that they took me

i haven't showered

it's been possibly a week

and i'm so deep in a psychosis

impossible to speak

the coke is in my arm

now it's impossible sleep

my throat's numb

closed shut

so it's impossible to eat

losing weight's a part of my daily routine

i always use against my will

just praying i was clean

so nod your head if you understand what i mean

when i was growing up i never thought that i would be a fiend

ever

my life's tumultuous

it's never getting better

another abscess from my arm is getting severed

my exquisite vision

depiction of dereliction

livid living conditions

malicious on a mission

all these green-tree cops

look they all know me by my first name

paramedics had to revive me this ain't a game

i worn the same clothes for like the last ten days

and look i want to do better but i don't know a different way

completely all alone

i'm sitting in this room

i empty out the bags

brown liquid in the spoon

i have to do a lot

can no longer do a little

the water's been added

i place the cotton in the middle

i'm sucking every drop up into this plastic device

as i'm tying off

i'm trying to find a decent vein to strike

i shove it ever so gently up underneath my skin

as i'm pulling back the plunger till there's blood in the syringe

i push it in and try to drift away to heaven

but criminals like me that's never the place that we're headed

the guilt

shame

remorse and regret i never address

and i'm a mess from all this pain and this anguish

i'm filled with stress

overdoses

i'm emotionally broken

this ain't a joke

i'm smoking on a newport

i never have any hope

this is me

i'm feeling like i don't deserve more

i feel disgusted as i'm pushing on this burnt chore

someone stole the vinegar in the midst of a black out

another shooting gallery

another crack house

on the porch ''welcome to hell'' is on the floor mat

i'm glancing at my arms and all i ever see is sore tracks

i'm feeling filthy dirty needles with the orange cap

peaking out the window

someone whispers ''lock the door latch''

we're blasting off

departing from this mothership

i look around as others search the carpet for another hit

crest whitening strips and mach 3's

i'm on a suicidal mission till these cops try to stop me

we boosted everyday selling steaks for half price

any dream i ever had was shattered by glass pipes

glass rose

devil got my in his lasso

entered the gates of hell and i didn't even have a pass-code

i'm hard headed

i will never learn my lesson

you know the drill

commit a crime

and get arrested

the misery never ends

i spend another week in jail

i don't have friends

family never paid my bail

so i would withdrawal and kick on that concrete floor

i feel like i've had enough but my body is screaming ''more''

the food is horrible

but i haven't eaten in days

no reason to call home cause i got nothing left to say

i'm tired of this jail

i don't ever want to see prison

look i'm tired and exhausted from this life that i'm living

i would get a couple days clean

and say that i was done

but every time i got released i was back on the run

it's back to thieving

lying

robbing

and ripping

and running

these problems i don't solve them

i'm crippled and sick to my stomach

i hang with prostitutes and these deadly degenerates

i'm homeless for the moment

but that's really quite irrelevant

the only thing that matters in life is my next high

i got to be willing to change and give it my best try

i'm a servant and this heroin's my king

i'm feeling like a slave

as i dangle from these puppet strings

i'm just a marionette

i'm staring at death

as i am carrying regrets that are just tearing through my flesh

we're dealing with a topic we're so careless to neglect

we're dealing with a dilemma leaving every parent stressed

i'm so sick and tired though of being sick and tired

but then it finally happened

motivated by desire

i hit this point

i wanted to change

enough is enough

my efforts been exhausted and i'm tired of being stuck

my faith is never blind and my future i barely see

but overnight

was open minded i had this moment of clarity

so it begins and it's essential i believe

cause if it worked for you

then it just has to work for me

through all this pain

there's got to be a positive message

i talked about the past

now let's talk about the present

i'm no longer living that way

for me it's a blessing

but with one bad decision i am back in that obsession

in 03 was diagnosed with hepatitis c

i utilize the bad

it's always been the fuel for driving me

and then u ask me ''why do i give this my all? ''

i'm not trying to see ''rest in peace'' on my facebook wall

i got clean in 05 and started rapping

i started touching lives

i never thought that this would happen

this shit today

trust me it isn't heroin

it's killing everybody and the comments are disparaging

no one cares or gives a fuck that i'm clean

for them another deadly overdose is just something to see

look

i pay attention to every post that i read

as you are sitting there judging in front of your iphone screen

talking about these dying addicts and how they are worthless

and if they put a needle in their arm then they deserve it

but that's someone's mother

someone's uncle

someone's daughter

and that's someone's aunt

someone's son and someone's father

as i rap

this shit is giving me chills

and i am speaking off experience

that's how i know it's real

these ignorant motherfuckers will say it's not a disease

and look i really don't care

you can believe what you believe

i don't care to argue

i don't got to give you proof

listen

i was taught you don't got to defend the truth

incurable

progressive and fatal unless arrested

i'm expressing aggression with every sentiment confession

once a junkie always a junkie

you're boring me

the last time i checked

there's one ultimate authority

i'm sick of these remarks and opinions from all these critics

cause if you never lived it

then trust me you'll never get it

be quite

you're not allowed to speak about it

if you've never lived it

then you're not allowed to speak about it

how often you forget

the only time that you should ever open your mouth is to eat a dick

everybody is dying it makes me sick

this isn't a epidemic

this is more like an apocalypse

so when i struggle

it's only right that i fight

and my experience recites on how that diamond saved my life

look

you don't got a clue what i've been through

when i was at my worst you couldn't walk a mile in my shoes

i survived a lot

so it's only right that i smile

and i'm aware of my surroundings

i'm no longer in denial

i'm blown away by every message that i get

it gives me motivation

it's the only reason i never quit

we got to do this together

we must trust

there's no you

there's no me

there's just us

i'm doing this with courage

i'm doing this with pride

i'm doing this for every single friend that's ever died

i dedicate this song to anyone that's lost a loved one

so live your life cause tomorrow may never come

be grateful for your past

embrace it

don't get embarrassed

everyday there is more children growing up without their parents

i felt pain

look i'm not afraid to cry

my life changed once i was willing to try

i've been giving many chances now it's truly do or die

i'm doing what it takes so my daughter will never see me high

i'm doing what it takes so my daughter will never see me high

i'm doing what it takes so my daughter will never see me high

i'm doing what it takes so my daughter will never see me high

i'm doing what it takes so my daughter will never see me high