april fool's day morn

at twelve midnight i called my mom

on april fool's day morn

we two are close sometimes i think

because i was breech-born

the doctor reached inside of her

he turned me 'round and pulled me out

i emerged her bloody babe

his slap produced my shout

at twelve midnight i telephoned

on april fool's day morn

i told mom i'd be home late

then i hung up the horn

i went back to the party then

i got drunk with all the boys

our florid faces shown so bright

we made a lot of noise

by 2am we all were drunk

on april fool's day morn

we had insulted many folk

garnered plenty scorn

we boys

some girls and some hangers-on

formed a jolly caravan

we headed for my canyon home

to make our fool's day stand

tempers flared and tears were shed

on april fool's day morn

tequila ripped and on a tear

my party shirt got torn

i tried to take a woman down

right there on the bathroom floor

she refused

i threw her out

screaming

bitch!" and "whore!" i threatened one poor hanger-on