billericay dickie

good evening

i'm from essex

in case you couldn't tell

my given name is dickie

i come from billericay

and i'm doing very well

had a love affair with nina

in the back of my cortina

a seasoned-up hyena

could not have been more obscener

she took me to the cleaners

and other misdemeanors

but i got right up between her

rum and her ribena

well

you ask joyce and vicky

if candy floss is sticky

i'm not a blinking thicky

i'm billericay dickie

and i'm doing very well

i bought a lot of brandy

when i was courting sandy

to aim to make her randy

and all i had was shandy

another thing with sandy

what often came in handy

was passing her and mandy

she didn't half go bandy

so

you ask joyce and vicky

if i ever took the mickey

i'm not a flipping thicky

i'm billericay dickie

and i'm doing very well

i'd rendezvous with janet

quite near the isle of thanet

she looked more like a gannet

she wasn't half a prannet

her mother tried to ban it

her father helped me plan it

and when i captured janet

she bruised her pomegranate

oh

you ask joyce and vicky

if i ever shaped up tricky

i'm not a blooming thicky

i'm billericay dickie

and i'm doing very well

you should never hold a candle

if you don't know where it's been

the jackpot is in the handle

on a normal fruit machine

so

you ask joyce and vicky

who's their favorite brickie

i'm not a common thicky

i'm billericay dickie

and i'm doing very well

i know a lovely old toe rag

obliging and noblesse

kindly

charming shag from shoeburyness

my given name is dickie

i come from billericay

i thought you'd never guess

so

you ask joyce and vicky

a fine pair of squeaky chickies

i'm not a flaming thicky

i'm billericay dickie

and i'm doing very well

oh golly

oh gosh

come lie on the couch

with a nice bit of posh

from burnham-on-crouch

my given name is dickie

i come from billericay

and i ain't a slouch

so

you ask joyce and vicky

about billericay dickie

i ain't an effing thicky

you ask joyce and vicky

and i'm doing very well