good evening
i'm from essex
in case you couldn't tell
my given name is dickie
i come from billericay
and i'm doing very well
had a love affair with nina
in the back of my cortina
a seasoned-up hyena
could not have been more obscener
she took me to the cleaners
and other misdemeanors
but i got right up between her
rum and her ribena
well
you ask joyce and vicky
if candy floss is sticky
i'm not a blinking thicky
i'm billericay dickie
and i'm doing very well
i bought a lot of brandy
when i was courting sandy
to aim to make her randy
and all i had was shandy
another thing with sandy
what often came in handy
was passing her and mandy
she didn't half go bandy
so
you ask joyce and vicky
if i ever took the mickey
i'm not a flipping thicky
i'm billericay dickie
and i'm doing very well
i'd rendezvous with janet
quite near the isle of thanet
she looked more like a gannet
she wasn't half a prannet
her mother tried to ban it
her father helped me plan it
and when i captured janet
she bruised her pomegranate
oh
you ask joyce and vicky
if i ever shaped up tricky
i'm not a blooming thicky
i'm billericay dickie
and i'm doing very well
you should never hold a candle
if you don't know where it's been
the jackpot is in the handle
on a normal fruit machine
so
you ask joyce and vicky
who's their favorite brickie
i'm not a common thicky
i'm billericay dickie
and i'm doing very well
i know a lovely old toe rag
obliging and noblesse
kindly
charming shag from shoeburyness
my given name is dickie
i come from billericay
i thought you'd never guess
so
you ask joyce and vicky
a fine pair of squeaky chickies
i'm not a flaming thicky
i'm billericay dickie
and i'm doing very well
oh golly
oh gosh
come lie on the couch
with a nice bit of posh
from burnham-on-crouch
my given name is dickie
i come from billericay
and i ain't a slouch
so
you ask joyce and vicky
about billericay dickie
i ain't an effing thicky
you ask joyce and vicky
and i'm doing very well