bum biddy

everyone in this room has been associated with whitey

either through basketball or the mall or various odd

jobs he does around town for free or at most a dollar

and i'm guessing 99% of you have either laughed in whitey's

face or ruthlessly made fun of his feet or voice or sister

or shortness when he wasn't looking

but the next time you'd see him he'd still go out of his way to

smile and wave at you and ask you about your mother's

operation or something like that because he

unlike us

actually cares about someone other than himself

the reason i bring this up to you is because i was the worst

offender of all

my life was simply going nowhere

then a tiny little man rushed to my side

he should've gotten a big thank you

instead he got a porta-potti ride

i was such a shithead

but he never quit on me

till i told him he was useless

and his sister was freaky

once when we were watching sunday football

a fuzzy screen was all that we could see

whitey came over with a hanger

and spent the game atop our tv

and when the lightning struck him

he let out a wicked

loud yell

but we just turned up the volume

and ignored the burning smell

we should all rot in hell

i went to high school with whitey

as a joke i told him to meet me at the prom

when he got there

i said: i can't believe you though i was serious"