carissa

oh

carissa when i first saw you

you were a lovely child

and the last time i saw you

you were 15 and pregnant and running wild

i remember wondering could there be a light at the end of your tunnel

but i left ohio then and had pretty much forgotten all about you

i guess you were there some years ago at a family funeral

but you were one of so many relatives i didn't know which one was you

yesterday morning i woke up to so many 330 area code calls

i called my mom back and she was in tears and asked had i spoke to my father

carissa burned to death last night in a freak accident fire

in her yard in brewster her daughter came home from a party and found her

same way as my uncle who was her grandfather

an aerosol can blew up in the trash

goddamn what were the odds?

she was just getting ready to go to her midnight shift as an rn in wadsworth

then she vanished up in flames like that but there had to be more to her life's worth

everyone's grieving out of their minds making arrangements and taking drugs

but i'm flying out there tomorrow because i need to give and get some hugs

cause i got questions that i'd like to get answered

i may never get them

but carissa i gotta know how did it happen?

carissa was 35

you don't just raise two kids

and take out your trash and die

she was my second cousin

i didn't know her well at all

but that doesn't mean that i wasn't

meant to find some poetry to make some sense of this

to find a deeper meaning

in this senseless tragedy

oh carissa i'll sing your name across every sea

were you doing someone else's chores for them?

were you just killing time finding things to do all by your lonesome?

was it even you mistakenly putting flammables in the trash?

was it your kids just being kids

if so the guilt they will carry around forever

well i'm going out there to get a look at the landscapes

to get a look at those i'm connected by blood and see how it all may have shaped me

well i'm going out there

though i'm not really needed

i'm just so broken up about it

how is it this sad history repeated?

i'll return to ohio

to the place i was spawned

going to see where i hung with my cousins and played with them in the snow and fished in their ponds

going to see how they've grown

visit some graves and say hey i've missed you"