confessions part iii

watch this

these are my confessions

just when i thought i said all i could say i came up up with more secrets to tell you today

these are my confessions

slip my mind the last two times

silly me

so now i gotta give you part three of my confessions

first i told you about the skank that i was cheating with

then i mentioned she's having my kid

that's not all

now i recall more you see

so i'll give you part three of my confessions

now this is gonna be the hardest thing i ever had to do

gonna tell you everything i left out of parts one and two

like remember when i told you i knew paulie shore

that's a lie

i don't know what i said that for

i borrowed your chapstick

without asking i tried out your nose hair trimmer

and by the way your diamond ring is cubic circonium

i killed your goldfish accidentally

just replaced it with another one

these are my confessions

just when i thought i said all i could say i needed to get some things off my chest right away

these are my confessions

slipped my mind the last two times

silly me

i guess i gotta give you part three of my confessions

i threw up on your dog last time i had too much to drink

there have been times when i've peed in your sink

don't know why

but you and i should agree that belongs in part three of my confessions

baby forgive me i'm still trying to figure out why i used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grought

oh and sometimes in private

i really like to dress up as shirley temple and spank myself with a hockey stick

my boss thinks i'm a jerk

i didn't get that raise. i haven't changed my underwear in twenty-seven days!

and when i'm kissing you i fantasize you as a midget

i'm so sorry debbi! i mean bridget!

these are my confessions

just when i thought i said all i could say i got a few more secrets i'd like to convey

these are my confessions

slipped my mind the last two times

silly me

i guess i gotta give you part three of my confessions

gave you buttered toast i dropped and then picked up off the floor

fyi it was not a cold sore

oops my bad

but you'll be madder at me when i finish part three of my confessions

you don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this

but remember that shirt that you got me for my birthday?

well

i returned it for store credit. that thing was hideous

what were you thinking?

o and by the way

i wasn't really sick last week

i just didn't wanna go to your stupid office picnic

oh and when i told you at breakfast we were all out of rice krispies

what i meant was that there was only enough left for me. sorry. these are my confessions

just when i thought i said all i could say

i thought of some more things that should scare you away

these are my confessions

slipped my mind the last two times

silly me

i guess i gotta give you part three of my confessions

once i blew my nose and wiped it on your cat

and i lied

yes that dress makes you look fat

anyway

i shouldn't say anymore 'til i give you part four of my confessions