diet gum

i manipulate

that is what i do

i manipulate

that's what i'm doing to you

that smirk on your face was designed by me

i fucking curated it

like magically

i manipulate

that is what i do

i manipulate

that's what i'm doing to you

you don't like what i've become?

what did you expect to happen?

you come around with your lips flapping

all hopped up on diet gum

and everything you say is supposed to make me come

like

i should feel grateful you are in my life

but i'd rather dig out my own spleen with a butter knife

hey

i've got some gaines-burgers you can have if you want 'em

you might as well

you've clearly hit rock bottom

you probably hang out at times square with in your pocket

and around your neck is your grandmother's locket

with a picture inside of what you might have been

sound familiar? do you even know where that cheese is made? it's from iowa

you dullard. ever heard of it?

i knew this guy from ames

ames

iowa

patrick

he was so not to be into

in the most extreme way

by the way

your bedside manner is reminiscent of a chuckle of hyenas

except

yes

it is a chuckle of hyenas

dr. turdface

it's a collective noun; do you even know what a collective noun is

stupidzilla?

hmm. let's see

i think your group would be called a misery

or

no

a patheticness of fuckwits

oh

oh right

pardon me

your doofusness

a patheticness of baristas

i manipulate

that is what i do

i manipulate

that's what i'm doing to you

that smirk on your face was designed by me

i fucking curated it

like magically

i manipulate

that is what i do

i manipulate

that's what i'm doing to you

you know

being with you was like a cross between cannibal apocalypse and lassie 9

except nowhere near as both of those movies were

it's still a personal conundrum of mine

how anyone can have such few of self awareness

i manipulate

that is what i do

i manipulate

that's why you just took a poo

in those slacks you're wearing

is that a leisure suit?

did you make that yourself? that's a rhetorical question

i manipulate

that is what i do

i manipulate

it's rather easy with you

you're sort of begging for it with your stupid face

you're like daffy duck about to be erased

did you really think you could seduce me in a leisure suit?

well

i

yeah

okay

fair enough but that was like three weeks ago

i'd like to see you try that now

uh

i'm not staring at your crotch

you maynard

i'm not!

well

it's hard not to

you practically dislocated your own hips thrusting it at me

you're like that neon sign that keeps kramer up all night

yeah

i guess you did keep me up all night a few times

really? 463? how could you know that?

we only went out for a year

what? i don't know

i was just gonna order out

i'm gonna

well

sure

i guess so

hey

um

i'm sorry i snapped at you a few minutes ago

it's nothing personal

i hope you know that

i manipulate

that is what i do

i manipulate

that's what i'm doing to you

that smirk on your face was designed by me

i fucking curated it

like magically

i manipulate

that is what i do

i manipulate

that's what i'm doing to you