fergus laing

fergus laing is a beast of a man

he stitches up and fleeces

he wants to manicure the world

and see it off in pieces

he likes to build his towers high

he blocks the sun out from the sky

in the penthouse the champagne's dry

and slightly gassy

fergus laing

he works so hard

as busy as a bee is

fergus laing has 17 friends

all as dull as he is

his 17 friends has 17 wives

all the perfect shape and size

they wag their tails and bat their eyes

just like lassie

fergus he builds and builds

yet small is his erection

fergus has a fine head of hair

when the wind's in the right direction

fergus laing and his 17 friends

they live inside a bubble

there they withdraw and shut the door

at any sign of trouble

should the peasants wail and vent

and ask him where the money went

he'll simply say

it's all been spent

on being classy

fergus' buildings reach the sky

until you cannot see 'um

he thinks the old stuff he pulls down

belongs in a museum

his fits are famous on the scene

the shortest fuse

so cruel

so mean

but don't call him a drama queen

like shirley bassey

fergus laing he flaunts the law

but one day he'll be wired

and as they drag him off to jail

we'll all shout

you're fired!""