Half a Man

All my days

I've lived with my disgrace

I'm afraid to show my face

Or at least take off my underwear

See

I was born like a half-way neutered pet

I don't have a matching set

It's a part of me that just ain't there

Please don't stare

Well

I'm a gambling man without two dice

I'm like Uncle Ben with only one grain of rice

Oh

to have two testes would be so nice

But I'm half a man

yeah

I'm half a man

Wanna die

end it all

just call it quits

I can't find a cup that fits

And at baseball games I feel so dumb

When I hear

“0-1”

Oh

my God

how could you have been so cruel

To give me one family jewel?

And the one that's there must feel so sad

He's a lonely nad

Well

I'm a marathon runner with just one leg

I'm a fallopian tube with just one egg

Oh

I want another testis

do I have to beg?

I'm half a man

yeah

I'm half a man

Oh…

Well I'm a Tweedledee with no Tweedledum

And I'm a Siskel & Ebert with just one thumb

And I'm a “Yo

Ho

Ho and no bottle of rum”

I'm just half a man

yeah

I'm half a man