handy

yankovic, weird al

first things first

i'm a craftsman

remodelling is my only passion

and i'm the greatest in the business

want referrals

yo

my clientele will bear you witness

i can help when your door jamb sticks

there is nothing in the world i can't fix

i do tiles

i do stone

i do bricks

call me

i'll come rushing over with my bag of tricks

where you go when your disposal is rusted

termite problem making you disgusted

when your front window is busted

just one name that's always trusted

i'm so handy

you already know

i'll fix your plumbing when your toilets over flow

i'm so handy

i'll bring you up to code

when your dishwasher's about to explode

now you see that your furnace is needing some service

i'm fully bonded

no need to be nervous

perhaps you would like a new counter formica

maybe i'll hook up this here combo washer dryer

but all your pipes are antique

your water pressure's too weak

you got an attic full of dry rot cause your roof sprung a leak

your fridge is starting to reek

your hardwood floors really squeak

but don't you worry i'll just show you my amazing technique

now let me glue that

glue that and screw that

screw that

any random chore you got

well i can do that

do that

or maybe i'll just rewire your house for fun

i got 99 problems but a switch ain't one

i'm so handy

everyone said so

i'll grout your bathroom

resurface your patio

i'm so handy

i'm the guy to know

when your leaf blower doesn't blow-oh-oh-oh

patch the drywall

clean your gutters and mow the lawn

make that phone call

i'll install anything you want

yeah

check my big staple gun

my socket wrenches are second to none

i won't quit 'til i'm done

don't even care if i hammer my thumb

still rocking my screwdriver

got the whole world thinking i'm macgyver

your heating bills are shocking

i can solve that with some duct tape and some caulking

your house is a disaster

huh?

need a guy whose a master with the plaster

huh?

let me be your stripper

taking off lacquer

no one does it quicker

i'm so handy

you already know

i'll beat all price quotes

my hourly rates are low

i'm so handy

you should call this pro

i'm in the phone book and se habla espanol