i'm a textpert (rap battle)

hey

whatcha doing?

driving

whatcha doing?

driving and texting. hmmm. are you sure you should be doing that?

yes

because. i'm a textpert

an expert at texting

rejecting the notion that you think i'll be wrecking

due to the fact that i'm distracted?!

i multi-task best behind the wheel when i get textually active

you should keep both eyes on the road

sir. for real

you'll look down

look up and end up in the trunk of another automobile

leave it to a pro. be incommunicado

until you get to where you need to go

this conversation's o. ver

no it isn't?

yes it is

no it isn't!

cause i'm a textpert! an expert at texting

pressing

my keypad when my car's not resting

i can divide my attention up

i got so much attention

i've got an eleven-tion

with one eye on the road; one eye on my phone

i texted-in this drive-thru order for my latte and scone

thank you

now i'm-n-a text-n-eat-n-sip-n-dip and shift

it in to d and then chin-drive home

i'm a textpert

a textin' traveler who doesn't need a chauffeur-eur-eur-eur-eur

i'm a textpert

don't worry

nobody's gonna get hurt-urt-urt-urt-urt

sometimes i text both sides of a conversation

cause it's tough to keep up with my text-ual pacing

on rare occasion

when i've got nothing to text about

i text myself reminders of what i'm doing now

i carry on

more concurrent conversations

than one phone alone is prone to accept

so

i've

tested and perfected my patented method: the second handset hands-free toe text

i ride with my swedish masseuse

she gimme deep tissue thumb shiatzu

my yogi shows me hand yoga poses

like: downward facing pinky and thumb lotus

i'll never stoop so low

as to text photos

instead i text the correct combo of 1's and 0's

i'm an artiste! using ascii!

i just texted this toad to an art gallery

i text more

than the next bored pre-pubescent tween!

in fact i've text-induced my own second puberty!

how does that work exactly?

everything that happened before is happening some more

that's all i'm comfortable sharing at this time. i gave a lift to a drifter!

and texted his estranged sister

and now i'm hostin' em here for dinner!

well did i mention i'm a text-itrician?

a next-gen ob/gyn

a lamaze text-nician

well

i'm the next dr. phil of sms

i'm poppin' out babies with the power of text!

by the way

where're you headed son?

headed west on 421

421?

uh-huh

west?!

yes. you?

me? i'm headed. if you're texting