i'm almost happy here

i think i'm almost happy here

but i will never regret venturing despite fear

because everyone wanted me to see that we could not thrive

so if this is reality

then i guess i don't regret the nights i thought that i had died

cause sometimes i feel like nothing

and nothing ever changes when changes consume me through these changing stages

everything we could have done differently is now just a memory

and the love i hoped for is hanging on a rope and it's funny how artistic we become when our hearts are broken

through this constant collapse

the thought of relapse

i guess it's safe to throw our bones back in the sea

i guess it's safe to throw our bones back in the sea

with this saltwater for blood and fear of falling in love

i'm almost happy here but i'm still moving

i just want us to run wild

young beauty

because i always thought i would be okay

and some days i still feel the same

but everyday the same way i feel afraid to embrace grace

cause i know i don't deserve it

and i know that i can't earn this

and i know that i can hurt this heart that i have grown within

but it's a a given to even someone as sick as me

now i can breathe seeing that i'm not living in apathy

so i guess we'll throw our bones back into the sea

i guess it's safe to throw our bones back into the sea

come with me

and i hope i stay alive because ghosts can't love through this broke love and turn to above

in a quick dash

feel the impact on this car crash

and pray to god i can be forgiven and have my friends back

where we sleep is where we dream

and i haven't slept for days

rem cycles are a memory of when i was sitting in a dorm room

thinking of how much greener the grass would be if i became a touring act someday

but now i'm dreaming or sinking

most nights they feel the same since i can lose one friend

lose all friends and still not keep those demons at bay

and i said all my friends are trees

with the roots in the earth

what hurts is that the branches in a community

we've labeled our hearts into a collective scene

into a collective faithless dream of empty courage and empty hearts

hollow light

hollow lovers

always falling apart

so i'll love life and let go and try my best to understand there's nothing new to know

though i didn't say it's true

i still feel the same

like i died with you

and i feel the strain

taking two steps back on these wooden floorboards

i'll beg for more

and pray this isn't just a retrospective moment

not just a soul begging for catharsis

but rather the start of a new me and a real movement

god forgive me