there's no one as normal as me
i've had my share of orgys
young marrieds and gay swingers
wet nurses and girl singers
seen me enough blue movies
to last me a lifetime through
and i'm getting pretty desperate
so i'm throwing out my rubber sheets and kinky knee high boots
going back to holding hands
that's where i got my roots
throwin' out my dildos and porno magazines
goin' back to wholesome sex just like it's in my teens
there's no one as normal as me
no one ever just says 'hi'
or talk about the weather
they all ask me if i'm bi
and into whips 'n leather
there's just too many massage girls
and i get that funny feeling
so i'm throwin' out my spanish fly
swallowed enough stupid pills to start a factory
i'm givin' it all up i'm going back to zero
getting just too tired of being a pornographic hero
there's no one as normal as me