if a girl isn't pretty

starting in 1910. actually the show starts after she has become a success

on stage and flashes back to her origins. it opens in fanny's dressing room. she is waiting for her husband

nick arnstein

to return after being in prison. she looks back to when she was a 19-year old hopeful. her mother's poker

buddies think she's wasting her life trying to break into show business.]

fanny

when people pay good money in the the-ay-ter--

especially the male element--they want something to look at!

if a girl isn't pretty

like a miss atlantic city

all she gets in life

is pity and a pat. is a nose with deviation

such a crime against the nation?

should i throw her into jail

or drown the cat?

she must shine in ev'ry detail

like a ring you're buying retail

be a standard size that

fits a standard dress. when a girl's incidentals

are no bigger than two lentils

then to me that doesn't spell success. fanny auditions for keeney's music hall but keeney kicks

her out of the chorus because she doesn't look like the

others. eddie ryan

dance director for keeney

agrees: if a girl isn't pretty

like a miss atlantic city

she should dump the stage

and try another route. any guy who pays a quarter

for a seat just feels he oughter

see a figger that his wife can't

substitute. kid

my heart ain't made of marble

but your rhythm's really horr'ble

and that map of yours just ain't no

valentine. everything you got's about right

but the damn thing don't come out right

so forget it

kid

and just resign. if a girl isn't pretty

if a girl isn't pretty

if a girl isn't pretty

if a girl isn't pretty

if a girl isn't pretty

she should get a job

go get a job--

get any job

get a weekly pay

'cause if a girl isn't pretty

like a miss atlantic city

she's a real miss nobody

u.s.a.