jared the footlong lover

hey there little kids

my name's jared

i'm a friend!

can i eat a sandwich with you?

how 'bout a footlong? wheat or white? what kinda bread?

help me squeeze the mayo out this tube

got my mind on your body

and your body's only 9. have a taste of my terikyaki sauce

you wanna try?

don't tell your mother

kiss the cucumber

it's time for supper. i'm the footlong lover!

5. 5 dollar. 5 dollar foot dong!

put me down

you scream and start to cry

don't be scared

just have a little bite!

i'm jared

i'm the subway guy. let's do a line!

i'm the footlong lover!

guess how many kids i can fit

in these pants!

have you had the meatballs they're. good

yes i like my subs like i like

my women: i like them 6 and 12

yeah!

got my mind on your body

and your body's only 9

add some chips and a drink for just $1.99!

go get your brother

i got a boner

would you like that toasted?

i'm the footlong lover!

5. 5 dollar. 5 dollar foot dong!

take a bath with me

and close the blinds

here's some ranch

you got it in your eye!

i tuck my shirt in all the time. now you know why!

i'm the footlong lover!

5. 5 dollar. i'm the footlong lover!

5 dollar foot dong!

shhh. i got a boner. uh

i would a kids meal

with extra kids

got my mind on your body

and your body's only 9

c'mon. even michael jackson got three second-chances!

have a taste of my minisub

it turns into a grinder!

how 'bout if i go through your craigslist history? wanna know what my favorite sub is? turkey ham!

eat this double meaty yummy sub

tell your parents that you played outside

chicken's still in the microwave. each fucking time!

i'm the footlong lover!

turkey ham

i'm the footlong lover!

i

like kids

is that fucking crime?

no please

don't fucking start to cry. or you will die!

i'm the footlong lover!

5. 5 dollar. 5 dollar foot dong!

i'm the footlong lover!