jukebox

in the jukebox of her memory

the list of names flips by and stops

she closes her eyes

and smiles as the record drops

then she drinks herself up and out

of her kitchen chair

and she dances out of time

as slow as she can sway

for as long as she can say

this dance is mine

this dance is mine

her hair bears silent witness

to the passing of time

tattoos like mile markers

map the distance she has gone

winning some

losing some

she says my sister still calls every sunday night

after the rates go down

and i can never manage to say anything right

my whole life blew up

and now its all coming down

and she says leave me alone

tonight i just wanna stay home

she fills the pot with water

she drops in the bone

she says

i've got a darkness that i have to feed

i've got a sadness

that grows up around me like a weed

and i'm not hurting anyone

i'm just spiraling in

as she closes her eyes

and hears the song begin again

she appreciates the phone calls

the consoling cards and such

she appreciates all the people

who come by and try to pull her back in touch

they try to hold the lid down tightly

and they try to shake well

but the oil and water

just want to separate themselves

she drinks herself up and out of her kitchen chair

and she dances out of time

as slow as she can sway

for as long as she can say

this dance is mine

this dance is mine

this dance is mine