mistletoe meltdown

i was ten years old

waiting on christmas day

i could hardly wait

it was just one week away

and there were christmas parties every couple days

with all my relatives so old

they got one foot in the grave

i was ten years old

waiting on christmas day

i was happier than santa in his sleigh

when all of a sudden

uncle john pointed out there was mistletoe

right above me

then my great-aunt betty

she leaned in for a kiss and i was mortified

my whole ten years of life flashed right before my eyes

and i said

get that mistletoe away from me

i don't wanna kiss nobody

get your face away from me

no

no

no-no-no

get that mistletoe away from me

ain't nobody want no cooties

i don't wanna kiss nobody

no

no

no-no-no

i don't wanna kiss nobody

no

no

no-no-no

i was ten years old

waiting on christmas day

as a ten-year-old

my face needed some space

so no offense to loving aunts

give your poor matthew a chance

and just don't kiss me

i'll get ptsd

she leaned in for a kiss and i was mortified

i'm sorry

ancient lady

but i would rather die

and i said

get that mistletoe away from me

i don't wanna kiss nobody

get your face away from me

no

no

no-no-no

get that mistletoe away from me

ain't nobody want no cooties

i don't wanna kiss nobody

no

no

no-no-no

oh

no

i don't wanna kiss nobody

no

no

no

no

no

no-no-no

all i want for christmas is peace on earth and no kisses

and who on earth am i kidding

lots and lots of presents

but if i can't have all this

i'll settle for no kisses

this year

ooh

get that mistletoe away from me

i don't wanna kiss nobody

get your face away from me

no

no

no-no-no

get that mistletoe away from me

ain't nobody want no cooties

i don't wanna kiss nobody

no

no

no-no-no

oh

no

i don't wanna kiss nobody

nobody

no

no

no-no-no

oh

no

i don't wanna kiss nobody

i don't wanna kiss nobody

no

no

no-no-no