national sports association hires retired english professor to name new wrestling holds

the national association of sports administration

had a problem with one of its games. some of the wrestlers were winning their matches

with holds that didn't even have names. the ringside announcer and most of the fans

were surprised and completely confused

so they hired a retired college english professor

to name the new holds that were used. a slow dance with trouble

appointment with pain

and a dunk in the devil's teacup

king tut's crunch

and the rubber wrist twist

were all names the professor thought up. and then he came up with the slow poke

and the porcupine hug

and the polar bear rub

and the snap-crackle-pop-crackle-snap

the lip pull hip throw

and tongue twister

the chin pinch

and high diving splat

the hair pulling eye poking nose tweak

and something called shaving the cat. after naming new holds every day for a week

he got kind of carried away

he started to talk the same way at home

every time he had something to say. like: darling