nobody makes a pass at me

i want men that i can squeeze

that i can please

that i can tease

two or three or four or more!

what are those fools waiting for?

i want love and i want kissing i want more of what i'm missing

nobody comes knocking at my front door

what do they think my knocker's for?

if they don't come soon there won't be any more!

what can the matter be?

i wash my clothes with lux

my etiquette's the best

i spend my hard-earned bucks on just what the ads suggest

oh dear what can the matter be

nobody makes a pass at me!

i'm full of kellogg's bran

eat grapenuts on the sly

a date is on the can of coffee that i buy

oh dear

what can the matter be?

nobody makes a pass at me!

oh beatrice fair-fax

give me the bare facts

how do you make them fall?

if you don't save me

the things the lord gave me

never will be any use to me at all. i sprinkle on a dash of fragrance de amour