otis/carl

i'm supposed to be stoic

as i wipe the tears off of my face

watch the ships off the coast of mexico

block it out as they roll away

i still see you smiling

even as i'm selfish as i've ever been

see you sitting in your chair

i see you singing happy birthday

i got the call in june

but couldn't bring myself to see you

or even get you on the phone

i wanted you to remember me in perfection

but really i'm

i'm just a fucking coward

i couldn't stand to see you die

and i was dealing with my own shit

if i'm being honest

mom said you'd understand

but i don't blame you if you didn't

and i'm on the docks again

looking out at that awful ocean

watching the tide take you away

i know you ain't resting your bones

i know you ain't made it back home

at least the loneliness gave you a break

we never held a funeral

'cause of the consequence they bring

letting go is never easy

even when you're empty and even when you're alone

i hope they played you otis redding

i hope you heard me hum along

as those arms of yours went down into the dark

and i'm on the docks again

looking out at that awful ocean

watching the tide take you away

i know you ain't resting your bones

i know you ain't made it back home

at least the loneliness gave you a break

and my phone rang a year later

with your smile haunting me

and i finally broke at a rental home

in joshua tree

and i tell myself it gets better

but it never gets any easier when your voice

it ain't on the other side

i hope they played you otis redding

i hope you remembered i named my guitar

after your favorite singer of your favorite song

and i break down every time i see

that old spanish nylon that you bought

it never comes off the shelf anymore

i'm on the docks again

looking out at that awful ocean

watching the tide take you away

i know you ain't resting your bones

i know you ain't made it back home

at least the loneliness

at least the loneliness gave you a break