over the points

thank you

i am an actual train

believe it or not believe it or not

i carry you backwards and forth

south and north

on down the line and up

before they shunt me into the final siding

i wish to make a few points

whenever i have a breakdown

all my passengers start talking to each other

they can sit walk sleep or have a tidy as i hurtle along

sometimes we track this line with decapitated schoolboy's heads

still wearing their caps

upon me at any given moment ten or twelve people might be taking craps

over the points

i've transported enormous frivolity and fearful violence in my carriages

i've got compartments for sex

birth

death and occasional train spotters marriages

believe you me

there are some right eccentrics walking up and down my corridors

picture the consternation in my bogies when my drivers had a drink

all over the shop hundreds of people invariably male write our numbers down

we as trains are agreed that this is because we are extremely phallic

nobody seems frightened on board us 'cos we hardly ever crash

we've been squashing pennies for well over a century

people love it when they're robbed

and they wave at us and are happy watching us going passed

can you imagine how pleasant it is in general being an iron horse?

i'm quite chuffed

last train to wanking panda

last train to wanking panda

if you miss this one you'll never get another one

iddybiddy arseholes to wanking panda