i've yet to be corrupted by the frightful things i've seen
with my measure pace and my bright young face
i only want to make the world a safer place
pc honey's up the drainpipe
i've done the course and i've joined the force
i'm a brave upstanding bobby full of keen resource
so i know everybody up and down my beat
pc honey's up the drainpipe
once we've lost contact with mr. plod
thus the trouble taketh root
in the very streets they should have trod
with nothing but a truncheon and a talking brooch
i'm a figure of fun who doesn't need a gun
and you're going round the nick my son!
pc honey's up the drainpipe