phatdippin'

since the dawn of man people have swam without shirts or pants wherever they can

and some dare to be are more audacious and spare underwear baring private places

skinny dipping might be fun for some

but i'm on the hunt for something never been done

in history. why are we whispering?

if we start like this; we can increase intensity

man

i got a deep desire to swim while in my full attire

for real! i feel its time for soaking

me

myself

and my clothing!

i want to float in a coat;

get doused in a blouse;

snorkel in a cardigan!

backstroke in a cloak;

aquaboogie in a hoodie;

dress up

dive in

its phatdippin'!

my fellow americans

let me be clear

i mandate phatdippin' this year

the country's in the tank

i'm just being real

is it too late to add this to the stimulus bill?

if you a first-time phatdipper

by all means ease in with your sneakers

tee shirt

and jeans

for the more advanced

go on

take a chance. wear a big poofy coat and sweatpants

our advice is

check a checklist: remove your wallet and your electronic devices

don't void your warranty. put your phone in a baggie; hand your wallet to me

your cellulite -

got a farmers tan? -

got back-ne? -

back acne -

all the ladies may be pitching a fit. but on the inside they sayin'

i love to phatdip!"