if you like your apples sweet
and your streets are not concrete
you'll be in your bed by nine every night
take your hand-spanked
corn-fed gal
and your best friend's four-eyed pal
to a treat right down the street that's dynamite
now let your conscience be your guide
if you put your foot inside
you wish you left your well-enough alone
when you got hell to pay
put the truth on layaway
and blame it on that ole' crazy bone
crazy bone
crazy bone
well you wish you'd left your well-enough alone
when you got hell to pay
put the truth on layaway
and blame it on the ole' crazy bone
don't be stuck up in alaska
when you should be in nebraska
on a thursday when it's egg & daughter nite
when the farmers come to town
and they spread them eggs around
and they drop their daughters down at the roller rink
well you're prob'ly standin' there
with your slicked-back
brylcreem hair
your lucky's and your daddy's fine-tooth comb
if they knew what you were thinkin'
they'd run you out of lincoln
just blame it on that ole' crazy bone
crazy bone
crazy bone
well you must have left your wisdom tooth at home
if they knew what you were thinkin'
they'd run you out of lincoln
blame it on the ole' crazy bone
when the grandkids all are grown
and they put you in a home
and eternity is approachin' fast
yeah you're half out of your head
and you prob'ly pissed the bed
and you can't see a thing to save your ass
and far across the prairie
in the local cemetery
they already got your name carved out in stone
when all them nurses say
grandpa why you walk that way?"