this is the ballad of cactus pete. he spent his life out in the desert heat
in arizona and new mexico
searchin' for the motherlode. he had no friends
he had no family
just a pet sidewinder that he called lefty
they shared a run-down minin' shack
out with the coyotes and horny toads. hehehe
yeah just look at i'm all coiled up o'er there. i'll never forget the first time i saw 'im. he's just a-sneakin' up on a little toady frog. settle down
settle down
ain't no toady frogs
i'm just tellin' 'bout you sneakin' up on one. he loves them little toady frogs. lord
i couldn't live like 'at. you shoulda seen him when i first found him. he had real bad teeth. yeah
just had two little bicuspids there in front
lord what a gap. made leon sphinx look like burt lancaster. took him to the orthodondist. yeah
we tried braces
that didn't last too long. heck
i got tired of mashin' up them little toady frogs for 'im. so we just had 'em capped. yeah
he'd have to have 'em filled anyway
they both had big cavities in 'em. oh
but just look at that smile on 'im over 'ere now
though. cactus pete
cactus pete
with his pet sidewinder at his feet. strangest old codger you ever wanna meet
this is the ballad of lefty and cactus pete. hehehe
yeah me 'n old lefty
we ain't got much. i'm poorer 'n a church mouse. settle down
settle down
ain't no church mouse. i'm just tellin' 'bout a church mouse. hehe
he loves a fuzzy little church mouse. lord
i couldn't live like 'at. he's a cold-natured critter. yeah
i cut the toe out of an old sock one time
made him a little sweater. didn't work
though
he just kept crawlin' out of it. he ain't hardly got no shoulders at all
you know. but lord what a neck. got more neck than audrey hepburn. cactus pete
cactus pete
with his pet sidewinder at his feet. out there 'mongst the cacti and mesquite
this is the ballad of lefty and cactus pete. hehehe
yeah nearly lost ol' lefty one time
though. he 's out sunnin' himself on that big rock o'er there. yeah
he'd just gorged down two blue-bellied lizards and a heelee monster. settle down
settle down
ain't no heelee monster
i'm jus' talkin' 'bout a heelee monster. like i said
he 's on that rock o'er there
and a big ol' bal' headed eagle just swooped down
snatched 'im up
wen' flappin' off with him through the cactus. ol' lefty
he just squirmed around
looked up at that eagle
flashed him that big ol' pearly-toothed smile. that eagle dropped him like a hot potato
hehehe. thought he was a lawyer. cactus pete
cactus pete
with his pet sidewinder at his feet. the saga of the west wouldn't be complete
without the ballad of cactus pete. and lefty. calm down there