the mule session

my girlfriend left me for a seven foot indian

my grandma hung herself on a tree in the caribbean

my sister's on the dope and my brother always picks his nose

and daddy's only happy when he's wearing mama's pantyhose

yeah

i just lost my job to a god damn robot

then my dog got in the freeze box

he ate everything i got

but i've got my mule

he's a very

very nice mule

he walks with me home from school

cause he's a very

very nice mule

when he was a baby my mother fed him gruel

but now he prefers to dine on his own stool

he always philosophizes with the rabbis after shul

cause he's a very

very pious mule

when he sees a picture of a carrot he has a tendency to druel

on halloween he tries to scare me by dressing up as a ghoul

he once challenged someone who stole my hat to a duel

cause he's a very

very old school mule

a needle-nosed plier is his favorite tool

he lifeguards on a volunteer basis and the rec. center pool

when i break down on the side of the road he shows up with unleaded fuel

he's a devoted fan of ms. paula abdul

and also approves of the recent makeover of former folkie jewel

when i told him halle berry's husband cheated he just shook his head and said to himself 'what a fool'

cause he's a very

very monogamous mule

porkchop! wake up

man

the session's not over!

after several well-publicized arrests for public urination he now drinks exclusively o'doul

and every year he puts on a presentation at the boys club to show kids smoking isn't cool

his favorite elvis song is 'don't be cruel'

no it's 'hound dog'

i was just kidding you