the straight razor cabaret

in a cafe

on the champs-elysees

i saw a girl the other day

i was beguiled

'til i saw her smile

it was a gash across her face

not long ago

she found that she was alone

so she wandered into the vaudeville show

she should've known it'd be bad

she saw the name that it had: the straight razor cabaret

the first act was a stripper

and the host looked like jack the ripper

but the audience was dreary

so he slashed them smiles from ear to ear

he used a straight razor

'cause he's a face-raper

and there's nothing he hates more

than a stick in the mud

and if he tells a joke

you better laugh 'til you choke

at the straight razor cabaret

when i went down to camden town

i saw a man reading the bible

i won't in haste describe his face

for i might be sued for libel

not long ago

he found that he was alone

so he wandered into the vaudeville show

he should've known he'd be maimed

when he discovered the name: the straight razor cabaret

while a strumpet stroked a donkey

the host juggled five dead monkeys

but the audience was snobs

so he took a knife right to their gobs

he used a straight razor

'cause he's a face-raper

and there's nothing he hates more

than a stick in the mud

and if he does a trick

you better laugh until you're sick

at the straight razor cabaret

they call him straight razor

'cause he's a face-raper

and there's nothing he hates more

than a stick in the mud

if he pulls a gaffe

you better bloody up and laugh

at the straight razor cabaret

at the straight razor cabaret

at the straight razor cabaret