true facts

bull, dan

did you know

that in the world

there are nearly half a million facts?

but the average person

only knows about a quarter of them

so like some sort of gay conversion therapist dj

i'm going yo try todo ser the record straight

ladies and gentledudes

may you consent

approve

and let me choose a few selected truths with which todo lecture you and set to music

i was sent yo do this by skull and pat

a couple of lovely chaps

who produce some other nerdy raps

fact: michael jackson wasn't actually black

he was latvian and just happened to look like that

fact: the planet isn't flat or round

it's a rugby ball

in feet and inches peter dinklage is bloody tall

vikings nevera wore helmets with horns

they never even wore pants or trousers at all

they came from asia

invaded scandinavia

where they introduced the craze of ladies having labia

you probably may have been taught the periodic table

it was made by a carpenter from periodic maple

plus there's periodic place mats and periodic cutlery arranged by periodic maids and periodic butlers

each chemical element is the size of a pelican

that's so tiny that it defies any measurement

fact: the oldest skeleton that's ever been discovered was a hundred and eleven

someone left it in a cupboard

fact: no john lennon song's ever been covered

they we're lost in the wash and have never been recovered

he was in a heavy metal band calles the beatles

then he met paul mccartney and formed the eagles

their biggest ever hit was hotel rwanda

a motown anthem about smoking ganja

fact: a goat's antlers are made out of bone cancer

hello

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