uncle walter

your uncle walter's going on and on

bout everything he's seen and done

the voice of 50 years experience

drunk

watching the television

you know he's been around the world

last night he flew to baghdad

in his magical armchair

cigarettes and a six pack

he just got back

now the spit's flying everywhere

hey

hey

hey

hey

you're back so late

how could you leave me here so long

with uncle walter

your uncle walter saw who fired the shots

he drove his chair in the cavalcade

he's flown from south africa

to countries where

they beat themselves on the backs with chains

there was a fleet of battleships

and 1 reclining chair

headed north on the arabian sea

now he's back and he'll tell us what

he and his oldest boy blair

are getting rich with their mail order scheme

oh

oh

oh

oh

we're glad you're home

but how could you leave me here so long

with uncle walter

your uncle walter told me

everything he'd do if he was president

oh what a perfect world

this world would be

if he were president now

and he sees the children

smoking pot

he knows that in a moment

they'll be shooting up heroin

teardrops in his armchair

a 50 minute lecture

and tobacco juice rolling down his chin

hey

hey

hey

hey

you're back so late

how could you leave me here so long

with uncle walter